FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
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Strange turn of events alters Mayan prophecy which initially predicted the end of the world on December 21, 2012.
The ancient people of Mesoamerica, which consisted of tribes spanning a vast area, were rich in heritage, art, education and of course savagery. These people included the Mayans who possessed technology way ahead of their own time. The Mayans were highly efficient in mathematics and astronomy, they also understood the universe beyond our planet. The Mayans actually had three calendars which were the 365 day solar, the 260 day ritual and the 5,128 year world time calendar. The latter of the three has been the focus of much speculation over the years because of when it ends. The world time calender was calculated backwards from a future date which took the Mayans back to August 11, 3,114 B.C. which is when they believed the world began.
Many have questioned the significance of this date, that when calculated and converted into a modern calendar ends on December 21, 2012. Some had believed it meant that the world would end on that date while others believed it meant a change in enlightenment of all beings on Earth. This all changed in recent days when scholars around the world found a lost piece of the Mayan calendar and worked feverishly to translate and decipher what has ended up being the final piece to an almost unexplainable puzzle that has taken thousands of years to piece together.
Upon examination of this new evidence those studying it have come to a unanimous conclusion that shocked many and sent a cascading ripple throughout the worlds scientific community, instead of predicting the end of our existence on this planet they have determined, through a very careful set of calculations that the calendar actually predicts a very specific event that will take place on December 21, 2012 at 11:11 GMT. Unlike the previous prediction of the end of all life as we know it, this new prediction has Al Gore specifically upset as we all know, he created the Internet.
You are probably asking that this all has to do with the Internet, well here is the short of it. The now completed translation of the Mayan calendar along with several unspecified documents have laid the ground work showing that on December 21, 2012 that a combination of ridiculous social networking infinite loops that start off innocently when a blogger has his tweets posted automatically on his blog, then the blog posts the tweets on Facebook and then Facebook posts the tweets on Twitter and Twitter posts the tweets on his blog and his blog then posts the tweet on Twitter and on Facebook then Facebook posts the tweet on Twitter and Twitter posts his tweet on his blog… and this cycle continues into infinity causing the entire Internet to implode upon itself, leaving Kim Jong Il still 3 feet tall, Prince still a bit strange and Al Gore still completely in the dark and lost, repeatedly pushing CTL ALT Delete trying to get his Windows 95 IBM Thinkpad with the eraser mouse thing in the keyboard to reboot and log him back onto AOL so he can chat with that random girl from Miami.